lifecruiser.org

As Mrs Lifecruiser is a hungry monster it’s not always so easy to feed here. On this picture she’s shovel in a big bite of our wedding cake and couldn’t resist the oppertunity to make a funny face of course, that’s my wife in a nutshell!

There is no need of a sign here that says “Don’t feed the animals”…. On the contrary, I have to feed her to keep her nice and quiet! Remember our earlier post about us trying to take pictures of the food on our travels? I blame it on her….

That’s why we were soooo very happy and excited when we found this really nice website about supersized meals.

She can sit and drool for hours about all the absolutely (for her) dreamy objects and get even more hungry - if that’s possible!

Then she takes a bite…… of me!

………….Help!

Go to Supersized meals

Mrs Lifecruiser is crazy, you already know that yes. But do you also know that she is a petoholic?

Wherever we go she just can’t resist all the pets, want to take them with her home. I strongly suspect that it’s her hiding the elephant mentioned in the earlier post. I wouldn’t be surprised at all.

I’m sure she has pets hidden every where.

You know how it works, all the denial, accusing others for the same thing they are doing etc. She is accusing me for the pets. That’s a strong sign.

Always the same promise: “This is the last one, I swear. I need just this little one, then I can stop.”

There have been two last ones in a short time now.

Cat Stevens:

The rabbit Agnes:

She is gettting deeper and deeper in the petoholic swamp, it’s a sad sight. It’s just a matter of time before she hang around with the other petoholics around the pet store, waiting for them to open.

Or even worse, stealing pets out on the street. I have to keep an eye on her all the time.

Any advice of what I shall do with her?

We suspect that we may have one more pet, but he is keeping himself hidden somewhere.

Any one who has seen our elephant…?

He has left some trace after his wild party:

And no, Mr Lifecruiser didn’t leave it there ;-)

Pheeeew, we can relax again, Basil is found, safe and sound.

I suddenly spotted him up in the roof over my computer and I shouted happily to Mr Lifecruiser: Basil! He is back again!

We suddenly got very excited and happy. Now we can’t stop talking to him all the time, even whistle for him to come.

Of course he doesn’t but it’s nice anyway…

Loose some win some, seems to be our saying about our pets.

Recently we lost our beloved pet Dusty and now we are afraid that maybe our net pet Basil has gone the same way, because we haven’t seen him for a while now.

Then we have some other pets, that Mr Lifecruiser won at some amusement parks. He is very good at aiming things and he is very determent, so he usually wins something.

Let us introduce them to you.

The Shark 1 and 2:

They have som unusual colors to be sharks, turquose and silver grey, really fancy, but of course, they are old moviestars now and have to have some glamour. They are lurking under our witing desk all the time. Better to watch out, you’ll never know when the shark attack is coming!!!

The Zebra “Roger Pontare”:

Named after a swedish artist that is known for his hairstyles, because he has a similar hair as him. Maybe they are relatives…? This one doesn’t sing though and we’re very grateful for that!

The giant panda Orvar:

Our biggest baby. He likes to sit in front of my computer and get mad at me when I won’t let him. He just sit at the bed staring angry at me for hours and hours!

Oooooh, by the way: They don’t want to go out in this winter weather either….

We have some big difficulties to get in bed in time. I don’t know what it is. We are not trying to beat our earlier staying awake record, we just don’t seem to be tired in the right time.

Or maybe we still are in the U.S time, even if it was 3 months since we were over there.

Yesterday morning (?) we went to bed at seven o’clock am and that was early! The night before that we went to bed nine o’clock in the morning, so that’s a big improvement, won’t you say?

The biggest problem with getting to bed in the mornings, is that we try and try and try to get up when it’s still daytime, so we have an alarmclock set. Which is totally not needed, because neither of us hear it anyway, we just keep on with our sweet beuty sleep.

Earlier this week we woke up at 5:22 pm and couldn’t do the things we had in mind for that day. Not everything can be done during evenings, that’s very strange do we think.

Right this moment it’s 3:40 am, so now I desperate need some one to ORDER me to go to bed, because we have a birthday party to attend in the afternoon and we are a little bit worried that we shall over sleep it.

And if I go to bed, Mr Lifecruiser is going to follow me of course. Especielly since I’m looking so stunning at this time.

Please order me to bed some one…

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well for my age”.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t resist asking him:
“Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
He asked, “Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer/wine?”
“Oh no,” I replied. “I’m not doing either.”
Then he asked, “Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?”
I said, “No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!”
“Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?”
No, I don’t,” I said.
He asked, “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?”
“No,” I said. “I don’t do any of those things.”

He looked at me and said, “Then why do you give a shit if you live to be 80?”

Just a short report on how it’s going with our non-cutting hair business because of the hibernation we are in.

I guess you’re not surprised when we say that neither one of us have had a haircut yet. It just don’t seems necessary when you hardly ever goes out among people. For gods sake, it’s snowing ouside and is very very disguistingly cold! Have some mercy with us.

Of course, Mr Lifecruiser is in a worse condition than I am, because he has more beard than I have. He still hasn’t decided what style he shall choose, remember our earlier post about growing a beard or a moustache?

Soon I too have to decide that, but on my legs, I’m afraid of getting sideburns. Ever heard of legmoustaches or legbeard? Maybe I’ll start a new trend here.

I think Mr Lifecruiser is starting to have nightmares about going to the barber…..

There really is a lot of interesting sites out on the internet.

If you don’t have any one that nags on you, you can make some nagging by email on this site called Hassle Me.

Hassle Me service by email

With a major grief in our hearts, we have to announce that one of our other pets has gone to heaven.

He had been with us for a long time now and has been a good pet, nothing bad can be said about him. He had a quiet personality and kept for himself in the corners mostly.

He was rather grey and soft. Ok, he had kind of a bad hairday every day, but that was just cute…

I can feel the tears in my eyes now, remembering the good times with him.

In memoriam for Dusty, our beloved friend:

Our friendship was like a sneeze
We couldn’t hold it
Smell it
Taste it
or know it’s coming
But we could always feel it
under our feet
It did come and go
but we always knew it’ll always be back

* Poem originally by Terri Fanning, rewritten by Lifecruiser

Death cause: Eaten alive by our other pet, the evil dustbuster, which we are NOT going to show here, because he is so horrifying so we keep him hidden in the closet and hardly ever let him out. We just can’t handle him.

Let us introduce our new pet Basil. He came to our home for about a week ago. He just sort of moved in, I suppose he really likes us.

He is dark and handsome, always want to be in the heat of the stage lights, running around a lot, seems a little bit restless and is climbing the walls all the time. He even goes to the roof, over what we do not know. That is how he got his name, after the nervous wreck Basil in Fawlty Towers.

We do not think that it is something we do that is making him upset, because he is very social and wants to be around us all the time, moving from room to room along with us.

Except from today when he seems to be in play mood, he is playing hide and seek with us.

He lived in the bathroom for the first week, just to make sure that he was house-trained properly before we let him out in the rest of our apartment. He only left one stack after him in there.

He has similar interests as us, he likes to be out on the net very often.

I am sure that we have a lot of food for him, but I tell you this:

- If he gets too big, fat and disguisting we will kill him instantly on the spot. There are always some other pet to get instead.

We do not know what species he is though, so lets just say spider.

If I’m bored I can read the statistics for this blog, especielly the keywords used from the searchengines that make people come over here.

My absolute favourite one so far is:
- how to get rid of crazy wife (sometimes I suspect that maybe Mr Lifecruiser has done that search…????)

Another one that is very suitable this cold time of year is:
- cold enough to decorate boobs (That one actually makes me wonder if I have missed something, decorate boobs…?)

And what about this really interesting one:
- humping avatars (I’d like to see one for my self!)

This one make me feel somehow de-pressed:
- pressed boobs

A touching one:
- people try to touch my boobs a lot (Is she sure? Maybe they are so big that they just get in the way for people?)

And the batman enthusiast:
- la voiture de batman bikinis (Should this one not say batwomen bikini? Have I missed something here too?)

Remember that we went in to hibernation? Well, now we are trying another method to get by this horrible, horrible, horrible winter.

We are totally convienced that our passioned love will melt the snow around us….

We kiss, hug and make love to each other all the time. It shall be hot enough to melt the snow, we are totally sure of it! Mr Lifecruiser is a really hot man, I often use him as a radiator.

OK, it is a little bit difficult in all situations to keep on making love, but it is quite an exercise to get it going, a real challenge. Just to write this post takes 6 times longer than normal, to get it right when everything around us is rocking, ohh, or is it we who is rocking…?

The toughest one is to eat at the same time, definitely. That is because I am a hungry monster and constantly is eating something. Shewing maybe is not such a good idea when making love?

Maybe we will end up in Guiness world records?

We just have to get to an end of this cold torture we are exposed to, so we have to do what we have to do, right?

It’s just a matter of time here, really.

We challenge you to do the same. Think about it, the hole world is making love at the same time!

Oooops, maybe it is a little bit risky, thinking of the Global warming effect here….

Look up what people in the world are known for, and hey, if you do not like what it is saying about your country - do not blame us for that, blame Google!

A small request from this Swedes:

What the heck means with the word Austerity????? They say that the Swedes are that, but we do not even know what the word means… And we can not find it in the dictionairy!

Could someone explain it to us please, so we know how we shall behave to be really Swedish….?

In the meantime we will drink our coffee and carve our Viking longboats!

The Prejudice Map

…the other day, except from us two, Miss ass Lifecrusier and Mrs Lifecruiser and a lot of tourists. We do think that people listened to our warnings and stayed indoors?!

It was nice when the town was not crowded, maybe we will try that warning some other time, just to empty the town before we go there.

We bought all the stuff we should in piece and quiet, went for a coffee because we were freezing so very much that we would not have been surprised if there were coming polarbears walking down the street.

After we were done with the shopping we went for a well-earned beer and had a nice time :-)

Nothing more happened, it was quite surprising. We think….

Except from the fact that there was a bunch of policemen running around us with their hands on their guns and a lot of police cars, but we did not think about it first. I mean, we felt so safe ;-)

They must have read our earlier warning and had put up a very high state of alert, they probably were prepared for everything!

Maybe it did happened something *b* around us that we are not aware of….? Hmm…. Something MUST have happened, it would be the first time it did not! We can not believe it!

Please report if you have noticed any *b* things.